Tuesday saw the full complement of late-night hosts back in the saddle for the first time in 2025. And although the night’s monologues were dominated by Donald Trump’s first press conference of the new year, there was still time to address Facebook’s embrace of Twitter’s post-truth policies, the death of a really good guy, a couple of sexy movies, and the continued freedom of some brave, brave monkeys. Here’s our round-up of the night’s best laughs from across the dial.
Seth Meyers
In his first A Closer Look segment back from hiatus, Late Night‘s Seth Meyers tore up the script—and took long swigs from a conveniently transparent tumbler of something decidedly un-Dry January-like.
Addressing Donald Trump’s Monday press conference in which the incoming president threatened to attack and conquer Greenland, annex Canada, rename the Gulf of Mexico, and weighed in on everything from how big the ocean is to how little water comes out of your faucets, Meyers marveled, “My man is in mid-season form already!”
Introducing a new segment entitled, “I Can’t Believe We’re F*cking Doing This Again,” Meyers noted how he and his writers were forced to ditch their prepared jokes about Republicans’ dysfunctional threats to shut down the government and Rudy Giuliani being held in contempt of court for his role in Trump’s 2020 election coup in favor of rapidly processing Trump’s first major press conference since the election. Calling the Q&A “tied for most insane with all the other press conferences he’s ever had,” Meyers—pausing to down some more of whatever was in that tall glass—certainly had plenty to cover.
On Trump attacking prosecutor Jack Smith’s plan to release his findings on Trump’s election shenanigans by mocking “the Department of Injustice,” Meyers noted, “That sounds like the title of a Bugs Bunny cartoon where he’s a judge.” After Trump goggled at President Biden’s order banning oil drilling in 625 million acres of sensitive coastal waters by exclaiming, “That’s like the whole ocean!,” Meyers responded, “This sounds like an SAT math problem written by a dog who just smoked weed.”
And then there’s the president-elect’s new obsession with storming the stony beaches of Greenland, something Meyers dared him to do. “Why won’t you do it, you afraid of Denmark, bro?,” Meyers taunted the incoming leader, speculating that it’s the size of Great Danes that’s holding him back.
Along with several other hosts, Meyers pointed out that this is all right out of Trump’s hastily Sharpie-scribbled playbook, promising supporters he’ll fix their complaints while plotting to loot the country and distracting the press (and late-night hosts) with outlandish nonsense.
Closing with Trump’s plan to unilaterally rename the Gulf of Mexico, Meyers summed up this harbinger of Trump’s second term by exclaiming, “Bad news—groceries’ll still be expensive. Good news—everybody’s gettin’ new maps! Bad news—maps are super expensive due to inflation.”
Desi Lydic
Taking The Daily Show reins from Monday evening QB Jon Stewart, Desi Lydic also noted how Trump’s populist pitch has gone out the window. “When Donald Trump won in November, it was largely on the promise of improving the everyday lives of American people,” stated Lydic, “From fixing inflation after it was already fixed to fighting the nationwide crime wave that he made up.”
Taking on Trump’s presser didn’t quite drive Lydic to drink on-air, but that just left her more time to dissect the incoming president’s proposals. “Uh oh, someone bought Donald Trump a globe,” Lydic warned, as she reminded viewers of the four year carnival ride ahead, noting, “We have been so concerned about all the scary things Trump’s gonna do, we forgot he’s also gonna do some really stupid things.”
Like Meyers, Lydic came armed with exasperated zingers . On Trump’s ongoing pitch to make Canada the 51st state, Lydic quipped, “Canada can’t become part of America. That’s the country I pretend to be from when I’m traveling abroad.” In response to Trump’s other pet plot to take over the Panama Canal, Lydic noted, “because why stop at just controlling birth canals?” As for the whole “violently invade Greenland” thing, Lydic could only throw up her hands to exclaim, “I am no war expert. I’ll leave decisions regarding our military to alcoholic Fox News hosts.”
Stephen Colbert
Perhaps easing back into the Trump coverage beat, Stephen Colbert largely sidestepped Trump’s press conference, a habit he compared to those polls showing that formerly plugged-in news viewers are increasingly checking out in advance of Trump 2.0. (He did suggest that MSNBC’s Steve Kornacki show a little of the old “Korn-sacki” as he works the touch screen, if you get his meaning.)
Instead, Colbert pivoted to a former U.S. President whose newsworthiness has provoked nothing but respect. Addressing the December 29 death of Jimmy Carter, Colbert first mocked Donald Trump for—and you’re not going to believe Colbert on this—making Carter’s death all about himself.
With Trump accusing Democrats of hijacking his inauguration season thunder by flying flags at the traditional half-mast and stating, “Nobody wants to see this, and no American can be happy about it,” Colbert complained that Trump had inadvertently stolen the title of The Late Show‘s inauguration coverage.
But Colbert was here to honor Jimmy Carter—by goofing on his colorful legacy. Like how the 100-year-old Carter was the first U.S. President to be born in a hospital, a startling fact Colbert put into context by claiming, “It’s true, before Carter, every single president was hatched.” Colbert paid tribute to Carter’s loving, 77-year marriage to wife Roslyn, although he said it was only natural the young Carter would excitedly announce his marriage plans after the couple’s first movie date, which Colbert asserted was a screening of Abbot & Costello’s Who’s On Top?
Then there’s the fact that Carter was the first President to be sworn in under his nickname, but only because our 14th leader couldn’t get anyone to sign off on his moniker, Jefferson “Pepperoni Nipples” Pierce. It’s history, folks.
Colbert concluded with another of his reports on the escaped lab monkeys heroically evading capture after some three months of sweet South Carolina freedom. After tossing to a local reporter’s assurance that the head of the not at all shady animal research company is only concerned for the four remaining monkeys’ safety, a straight-faced Colbert noted, “He wants to make sure the monkeys are doing well before he shoots them in the neck and brings them back to the lab to do…not as well.”
After the “quartet” of monkeys were spotted hanging out happily in some trees, Colbert speculated that they were either just practicing for their big recital as “violin, viola, cello, and biting the conductor’s face,” or taking a much-needed respite for the big monkey holidays of “Thanksgibbon, Chimpmas, and of course the eight miraculous nights of Baboonakah.” God speed, you magnificent monkey bastards.
Jimmy Fallon
While Jimmy Fallon concluded his Tonight Show monologue with a nod toward Trump’s Canadian expedition (“If you think America’s divided now, imagine if half the country spelled ‘color’ with a ‘u’”), the host spent most of his comic capital on the bad idea announced Monday by Mark Zuckerberg.
Addressing the Facebook/Meta CEO’s announcement that the already misinformation-heavy social media platform would abandon fact-checking entirely, Fallon concluded, “It’s like Chipotle announcing that it’s ending health inspections.”
Zuckerberg’s plan to ditch content moderation in favor of a more easily manipulated “community notes” policy like that favored by Elon Musk left Fallon to wonder how Wikipedia became “the responsible one,” and to even question whether the weather report can be trusted. Referring to the deadly cold snap victimizing much of the country, Fallon mused, “Yeah it’s brutal out there. Although according to Facebook, it’s 85 and sunny.”
Jimmy Kimmel
Then it was Jimmy Kimmel’s turn to lambaste Zuckerberg’s pivot to “the old suck-and-Zuck” in submission to Trump. Calling out the CEO’s hostage video-looking announcement that Facebook would abandon any remaining semblance of content moderation, Kimmel echoed Fallon’s fast food comparison, noting that it’s like “Del Taco announcing that they’re done with health inspections.” Kimmel took aim also at the notoriously awkward Zuckerberg’s recent glow-up, noting, “Imagine being one of the wealthiest people in the world and making the decision to announce the end of truth as we know it while dressed as Macklemore in 2014.”
Naturally, Kimmel couldn’t resist his nemesis’ “double-doozy of a press conference” entirely, although the host did zero in on some of the less invasion-y aspects. To sum up a few of Trump’s lesser-remarked-upon obsessions: windmills (bad), sharks (bad), whales (good, but hate windmills), and the water pressure at his house (bad, and Democrats’ fault, somehow.)
Kimmel did mock Trump’s plan to rename a major body of water, with Kimmel noting, “He still has no health care plan. He stayed up almost all night drinking Diet Cokes to come up with ‘the Gulf of America.’”
For Kimmel, any hint of instability from the Trump World is cause for comedy, so recent reports about Trump and Elon Musk’s bromance hitting the inevitable rocks were like late-night catnip. Noting that Musk has been renting an $83,000 per month cabana at Trump’s golf resort to stay a mere football field away from the president, Kimmel called Musk “Trump’s Kramer,” and claimed, “Elon’s bedroom is closer to Donald’s than Donald’s is to Melania’s.”
Following up on those reports of friction that Trump is annoyed at Musk “being around his house” all the time, Kimmel concluded, “See? He really is like a son to him.”
Taylor Tomlinson
For her pre-game monologue, the After Midnight host eschewed real world horrors for a couple of sexy big screen thrillers, because the next four years can’t be all about which ally laughs America out of the U.N. With the Nicole Kidman starring erotic drama Babygirl and the period vampire flick Nosferatu vying for thirsty viewers’ attention, fan of both Taylor Tomlinson tried to drum up a little Barbenheimer synergy, even as she admitted, “Babyratu sounds like Baby Yoda’s ugly cousin.”
No matter, as Tomlinson went on to draw some unlikely parallels, noting, “Both Babygirl and Nosferatu are about people who are dangerous to sleep with: vampires and men in their 20’s.” As Tomlinson noted, perhaps drawing from untold experience, “One will permanently drain you of your life force and the other is a vampire.”
Still, Tomlinson marveled at Nosferatu and It star Bill Skarsgård’s family lineage of handsome Swedes adept at creeping audiences the heck out, explaining, “Can I just say, we have so many Skarsgårds. But we’re using them all—it’s like the opposite of the Baldwins.”
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